THE PENTAGON — Marine Commandant Gen. Robert Neller is really hoping that Defense Secretary Jim Mattis will “hurry the hell up” and approve his Memorial Day leave request, sources confirmed today.

Sources say Neller has been observed anxiously pacing the halls of the Pentagon’s E-ring, mumbling to himself as he rehearsed the potentially awkward conversation with Mattis. “Good morning, I mean afternoon, sir. I know you have been busy with North Korea, but maybe if you have a moment this week...” he was overheard babbling. “I sort of have a leave request for this wedding, and it kind of needs your signature. No rush though, no big deal sir.”

The commandant, who is due for a fitness report evaluation soon, told reporters he “doesn’t want to look like that slacker Amos,” since other members of the Joint Staff will be working over the Memorial Day weekend to garner face-time with Mattis.