This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
NORAD tracking Satan for the holidays due to typo
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — NORAD will be tracking Satan for the holidays after a typo on an internal operations order diverted the beloved Santa-tracking program to describing the location of Lucifer, Prince of Evil, this year from December 24–25.
“It’s the same letters, just out of order,” said Lt. Col. Kris Krangle, commanding officer of the newly renamed Holiday Tracking Program. “But honestly, I think the American Public would also like to know where Satan is, given the option. Also, we’d already designed the PowerPoint template to say Satan and not Santa, so we were too far on this course of action to fix it.”
Children and parents alike will be able to say, “Not today, Satan,” by logging into the NORAD website to see the horned devil cross the globe in his quest to sway good men into joining the children of disobedience.
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