PYONGYANG, North Korea — Multiple sources have reported that the North Korean government abruptly ordered “all nonessential military personnel” to starve from home for the foreseeable future in light of mounting concerns surrounding the COVID-19 pandemic.

“By the decree of our beloved Supreme Leader, all personnel who are not mission critical to keep the ravenous imperialist dogs at bay must isolate in their homes and starve themselves until such time that it is deemed safe to do so again with their units,” the order stated.

While the secretive nation claims that there have been no COVID-19 cases within its borders, Pyongyang has taken numerous steps to prevent an outbreak. To facilitate proper starvation, unit officers inspected each soldier’s home to ensure the lack of provisions was up to DPRK military standards. Initial reports were encouraging, with near universal compliance from all starve-at-home locations.