Director of National Intelligence James Clapper

BASKING RIDGE, NJ — In the wake of leaked disclosures of the National Security Agency spying inside the U.S., hundreds of domestic terrorists have cancelled their cell phone service from Verizon, according to company officials.

The hemorrhage marks the most significant switch in consumer loyalty since LeBron James signed with the Miami Heat in 2010.

"This is bullshit," decried Ahmed Farazeen, a prolific member of an unnamed sleeper cell based in New York City and former Verizon customer. "I'm an American citizen! This is outright criminal."