WASHINGTON, DC — Josiah Curtis joined the National Security Agency to make America safer. "I could no longer stand by idlely while communist Islamic infiltration tore at the vulnerable guts of American culture and heritage," said Mr. Curtis in an exclusive interview with the Duffel Blog. "Every day I would tap into phones all over the world, listening to people plotting against the Constitution. Sometimes I wouldn't go home, sleeping on the floor of my cubicle so I wouldn't miss even one of those traitors self-incriminating to charges of high treason."

Mr. Curtis credits himself with 2746 uncovered terrorist plots against American landmarks and citizens. "I kept telling my supervisor, Senior Agent Roads, that we needed to order all the social media corporations to give us all their data on damned communist subversion of our Christian values and that they're either with us or against us. He told me that I was nuts and to go back to shuffling my DD1342s." Mr. Curtis smiled thinly, "So I took it upon myself to put together PRISM: Prevention and Repression of Islamic Subversion in the Media."