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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 130 · Saturday, 31 October 2026

Veterans

Spirit Halloween store to become pop-up ICE detention center

DHS praises seasonal retailer's expertise in occupying abandoned buildings and disappearing overnight

Army FRG unveils haunted house featuring spouses saying ‘I’m fine’

Hasan execution venue double-booked with Comic-Con

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Vol. 15 · No. 130

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Vol. 15 · No. 130 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

31 October 2026

1120 Zulu

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· Page 2

Obese lance corporal ‘totally going to sign up' for base gym's new HIIT classes

Filed · 1533

MARINE CORPS BASE HAWAII — A grossly overweight light duty commando from Combat Logistics Battalion-3 made his intentions known that he planned to ditch his beloved fast chow and light duty chits in favor of the base gym's new line of fitness classes, sources confirmed today.

Lance Cpl. Hank Bowen made the announcement to several members of his platoon over breakfast at Cholo's Homestyle Mexican in Haleiwa, as he devoured a chorizo and ground beef chimichanga with a side of pork nachos. He says he's no stranger to physical training, having participated in group runs as recently as 23 months ago, but that 2018 is definitely his year.

"It's not really a resolution per se," he said between gulps of his Tutti Frutti Jarrito soda. "I'm just gonna live in the gym for like two — no, three hours a day —until I'm completely shredded. And then I will get a girlfriend. Probably that smokin' little bus driver from base motors."

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