FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. — An essay written by a student at the Army's Command and General Staff College has completely changed the western world's centuries-old ideas on warfare, sources confirmed today.

Maj. Jeffrey Branks, who wrote most of the paper while waiting in the car to pick his daughter up from soccer practice on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, says it is "basically the Sun Tzu of our generation."

"Chaos. Friction. Uncertainty. I came up with all of those ideas," said Branks, slowly taking off his reading glasses then putting them back on. "I'm certain to get a command assignment after this one."

Branks wrote the essay, entitled "On War: A Paradime Shift," as a requirement for graduation from the school. He noted after turning in the paper that the spelling of "Paradime" was not, in fact, a typo, but a "subtle reference to the elements of national power," or DIME model.