THE PENTAGON – According to internal memoranda and spot reporting, personnel at every level of the Pentagon are reeling in shock as the new Secretary of the Army, Eric Fanning, is currently doing his job.

This comes in the wake of hushed criticism at the naming of the first openly gay Secretary of the Army, which was seen by many as a dangerous and risky political move by Obama to set a tone of acceptance at the highest echelons of military leadership.

While reporting is still scattered at best, rumors are circulating that Fanning, despite being gay, may be sitting at his desk, answering emails, and talking to other people on the phone. One classified email, erroneously sent via Yahoo mail, even explained that Fanning might even be executing his statutory responsibilities, including matters of personnel, installations, and weapon systems in a manner that is not at all indicative of his sexual orientation.