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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 126 · Thursday, 22 October 2026

Pentagon

Hegseth consults God via dumpster fire behind Pentagon

Secretary says God commanded him to invade Greenland, restore Christian values

US to livestream execution of Ukraine

Iran condemns US plan to livestream execution as barbaric

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Vol. 15 · No. 126 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

22 October 2026

1058 Zulu

Next edition Friday

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· Page 2

Total asshole at operations meeting asks a question

Filed · 1543

THE COMPANY OFFICE — A complete and total fucking asshole that everyone wishes would just die already actually has a goddamned question at the end of the operations meeting we've been in for six fucking hours, sources confirmed today.

Responding to the battalion commander's request for anyone to speak up "if they have any saved rounds," sources confirm that piece of shit 1st Lt. Nathan Benjamin actually opened up his goddamn cum dumpster instead of keeping it shut so we could get out of this godforsaken room.

"Yeah sir, I just have a quick question," Benjamin reportedly said, indicating he had a simple question but you know goddamn well it's going to turn into some super-long bullshit that's going to delay us another hour. "What's your guidance on what to do if the main effort of the patrol comes under fire?"

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