By W.E. Linde

WALTER REED NATIONAL MILITARY MEDICAL CENTER, Md – Last month, Army researchers claimed to have developed a vaccine that may potentially protect against all COVID variants.

Building off that success, doctors at Walter Reed have also just released one massive vaccine that protects against “everything we could think of.” The Mother of All Vaccines (MOAV) combines every vaccine currently administered to U.S. military personnel into a single 32 ounce dose.

“Goodbye shots for typhoid, anthrax, flu, tetanus, COVID, black plague, zombie bites, and whatever else mobility lines and clinics stab us for,” boasted Director of Walter Reed Brig. Gen. Jack M. Davis. “Our troops will no longer have to get perforated every time they deploy. Just one and done!”