FORT BENNING, Ga. – A local Army sniper met his match as he failed to successfully hit a toilet bowl at a nearby tavern, sources confirmed today.
Sgt. Doug Taylor, a 28-year old native of Des Moines, Iowa, missed his mark after whipping out his rifle and repeatedly failing to strike the water in the bottom of a toilet bowl during multiple ‘long shots’ that were fired after hours of heavy drinking.
“I don’t get it,” said Taylor who was unable to stand in one spot without swaying. “I adjusted to account for wind speed, altitude, and the ballistics involved – just like I was taught in sniper school. But, it was a no-go.”
Prior to the failed mission, reports show that Taylor properly identified and stalked the target and positioned himself for the most optimal shot by leaning up against a wall. He then fired, missing instantly and instead shooting the floor, spraying shrapnel all over his shoes.
