FORT BLISS, TX - A change of command ceremony recently ended in a disgusting and repulsive mess of semen and fecal matter, sources confirmed today.

Over two hundred soldiers were present and forced to stand in formation for several hours while multiple officers talked incessantly about how amazing they all were. What they didn't expect was their day of extraordinary fun would end in a flurry of sodomy.

Sergeant James Prost was present when the events occurred and described the disturbing scene.

"I was standing in the third row of my company formation trying to resist the urge to slit my own throat with my Gerber during the ceremony. I hoped it'd all be over in under three hours, but around hour four I seriously was doubting that any of us would ever be leaving that building," said Prost to reporters. "That's when something I only joked about happening occurred."