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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

0840 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
Air & Space · Page 6

Elon Musk offers $44 billion to buy Space Force

Probably a better deal than Twitter.

Filed · 1105

SIMI VALLEY, California — SpaceX CEO and Chief Twit Elon Musk has offered to buy the U.S. Space Force from the federal government for $44 billion.

When asked why he wanted to purchase the service, Musk shrugged and admitted he didn’t know what it did. “Maybe they have some spare parts or something we can use,” said Musk.

Nevertheless, Musk announced that his first action if the sale was approved would be eliminating the 16,000 civilians and military personnel assigned to the service. He reasoned the people of Space Force were there only for the pay, benefits, and allowances and were probably quiet quitters anyway.

The world’s richest man assured Space Force employees that by eliminating sleeping, eating, and dental appointments they could easily assume the additional workload and save him enough to install new cup holders on his Gulfstream G650ER.

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