Oh great. Now we’ve done it.
THE PENTAGON, Washington, DC—The Senate’s hold on confirming senior military leaders took a new turn today when it was revealed that the empty portrait frame of the Marine Corps Commandant had inadvertently released Kryptonian General Zod and his staff from their imprisonment in the Phantom Zone. Upon learning that there was an empty office in the Marine Corps portion of the E-Ring, Zod announced that he would assume responsibilities as the 39th Commandant of the Marine Corps.
“My Commandant’s Planning Guidance is simple,” the Kryptonian declared. “‘Kneel Before Zod.’ In the coming months, I will release my refined Force Design strategy, which is mostly ‘Kneeling Before Zod.’ In this time of transition, I want to keep things simple, breaking it down Bizarro-style just like I did for the Lance Cpls. of the Kryptonian Military Guild back home.”
When asked to comment on his apparent loss of authority, acting Commandant General Eric Smith demurred. “Myself, the a…
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