ERBIL, Kurdistan Region – ISIS soldier Ibraheem Lakdim has uploaded a video to his YouTube channel about ‘stolen martyrdom’ from the cab of a truck that was wired with 250 lbs of explosives, sources confirmed today.
“What up, everybody? It’s your boy, BreadnButtah69. I’m sitting here waiting for them to finish wiring my truck up, so I thought I’d holler at you for a minute about stolen martyrdom,” Lakdim said in the opening seconds of the video.
“I know a lotta ya’ll have opinions on this issue, but hear me out,” he added before launching into a 15 minute monologue with digressions on why liberal Muslims are whiny, which brand of hummus was complicit in a media war on Ramadan, and why flat brim turbans should be banned under Sharia law.
