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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

1906 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Local man struggles to remember name of country he cared deeply about last week

He will never, uh, forget.

Filed · 0501

ST. GEORGE, S.C. – In an impasse that may hinder American political discourse for generations, local man Ronald Jeremiah is currently unable to post a Facebook status about a country he cared deeply about last week, because he cannot remember that country’s name.

Jeremiah hopes the status, when completed, will unite Americans across the political aisle with their shared lust for foreign intervention in the name of humanitarianism.

“I know it’s the sort of thing people have gotten excited about before, I just got to be the one to get them riled up again. Where was I talking about, though? Was it Darfur? Or that one with Joseph Kony? Venezuela, maybe? No, I don’t think we ever bothered to get anyone killed over those.”

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