Meet the camel spider hiding in your deployment luggage
YOUR HOME — A camel spider you unknowingly adopted during your recent Iraq deployment has expressed excitement at the prospect of finally meeting you.
"I can't believe how generous my benefactor is," the six-inch-long solifugid told reporters from inside your large green duffel bag at the airport. "Not only have I been spirited out of a hot, desert country, but I also have a cool, dry place to relax while in transit."
"I'm anxious to meet and bond with my new human. I think we'll be great together."
Unbeknownst to you, this venomless scorpion first became your pet near the end of your stay at a forward operating base in Iraq. Your tent provided a welcome refuge from the desert sun as well as a food-rich environment, thanks to the insects drawn in by the smell of food scraps you neglected to throw out.
"He'll be thrilled at my ability to keep the house free of flies and other pesky insects."
Sources indicate that when you arrived at home and finally unpacked your luggage, you left your bag and gear unattended, prompting the large critter to go out searching for you and get lost under some furniture in the process.
Though your stowaway passenger is disappointed at not being able to cuddle you just yet, she is confident you'll be overjoyed to meet her children when the eggs she laid in your Fleshlight finally hatch.