Optimistic private sees burn pit as half full

CAMP LEMONNIER, Djibouti – Pfc. Braddock Chase, the highest speed motivator in the 1-167th Infantry doesn’t listen to the haters and draggers and prefers to see the burn pits as half full, sources confirmed today.

“A lot of guys, you know, focus on the bad shit. I focus on how much shit,” said Chase, coughing up a suspiciously dark loogie. “Whatever, may…