Platoon Idiot Charged With Larceny In Oxygen Theft

CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — The platoon idiot for India Co., 2nd Platoon, 3rd Bn, 4th Marines has been arrested and charged with grand larceny after he was allegedly found to be stealing oxygen from government property, sources confirmed Tuesday.

“This is the most serious case of thievery we’ve ever encountered,” said Col. David Sawyer, a spokesman for the base.

The complete waste of a uniform who actually calls himself a Marine, Private First Class Nathan Smith, was caught stealing oxygen from other Marines and sailors around him and breathing it, officials said.

Smith, who graduated basic training in 2014, although no one understands why because he’s a complete waste of skin, will be charged under UCMJ Article 121 - Larceny, Article 132 - Frauds against the United States, and Article 134 - Stolen Property: knowingly receiving, buying, concealing.

He faces punishment of loss of rank, pay, and hopefully discharge from the service because he is a godforsaken and disgusting waste of a name on the platoon roster.

Lee Ho Fuk contributed reporting.