Mike Flynn (L) gazes upon future boss in a 2015 photo by www.kremlin.ru. Seriously.

MOSCOW - Russian President Vladimir Putin stunned the private military contractor world by naming retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn as the next leader of the Wagner Group. The move shocked some analysts who considered contractor Erik Prince, a preferred mercenary of autocratic regimes, as the heir apparent.

“Russia will continue liberating Ukraine from the dangerous grips of sovereignty,” Putin said, “and that requires strong leadership at Wagner after my friend Yevgeny Prigozhin died tragically and totally unexpectedly.” The priority led to a rigorous search for a new leader.

“Before Prigozhin’s unfortunately and accidentally wrecked plane stopped smoking, Mike Flynn and Erik Prince were blowing up my phone volunteering to lead Wagner like a couple of eager beavers,” Putin said.

Flynn emerged as the selectee after interviews and reviews of their records. A Ministry of Defense official said that Putin saw in Flynn a unique combination of valuable skills such as intelligence, military experience, abrasiveness, and the ability to interpret the law or facts any way he sees fit. “He’s like my brother from another babushka,” said Putin.