GLENDALE, Ariz. – For the first time in Super Bowl history, the pregame flyover was conducted by an entirely female-crewed Chinese spy balloon, according to sources.
“Representation matters,” commented NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, “I want little girls to know that they too can one day attempt to topple a global hegemony by conducting unopposed incursions into its airspace for the purpose of espionage.”
Sources familiar with the matter claim that top NFL executives initially resisted the idea until meeting with representatives from Disney, the NBA, and the Chinese Communist Party.
According to the People’s Liberation Army Navy Air Force Redundancy Department of Redundancy (PLANAFRDD), the balloon was stitched by ethically-sourced, all-female child labor in a factory next door to where they assemble iPhones. The dirigible was then transported by submarine to the Port of San Francisco, loaded onto a Panda Express delivery truck, and delivered to Chinese state-owned farmland in Northern California.
