WASHINGTON — Thousands of male reservists have submitted temporary duty (TDY) request packets to the Space Force for assignment on the moon in an attempt to avoid their wives, sources confirmed today.
The rush of TDY requests have skyrocketed since March 2018 when President Donald Trump announced the creation of the nation’s newest military branch.
Offering numerous opportunities for deployment, Space Force office phones started ringing off the hook immediately, inundating the service with requests from men anxious for temporary relief from the excruciating pain of being married.
“I’m excited at the prospect of joining the nation’s first members of Space Force to get assigned to the moon,” said Lt. Bradley Esteban. “I know the conditions and temperatures are extreme, and I could easily be killed. But that’s nothing compared to living with my dreadful, high-maintenance, controlling wife of 6 years. I’m ready to roll. Let’s go!”
The dangerous, life-threatening assignment on the moon will be filled with unimaginable risks, ranging from equipment failure to running out of oxygen. But that isn’t stopping patriotic service members from volunteering in droves.
“I don’t even care about hazardous duty pay, or even healthcare benefits – they can keep all of it,” said Staff Sgt. Carlos Munoz, who has been married for over 10 years. “Just get me the hell out of here. She won’t quit riding my ass about playing video games and cleaning the house.”
Military wives are reportedly objecting to the notion of the TDY requests, citing the need for the trash to be taken out, the lawn to be mowed, and the car to be repaired.
One female military spouse, who only agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity, sees the astro-TDY requests as pathetic.
“My husband and all his little Space Force cronies are a bunch of wannabes who need to get their shit together. They need to man the ‘f’ up and tend to their responsibilities instead of running off to play butt-buddy in space,” she said while preparing to call her husband’s CO to demand he deny her husband's TDY request.
Service members have submitted their TDY requests prematurely because there are not really any Space Force operations now, according to military sources.
Meanwhile, senior military officials also noted that orders to the moon are also unlikely to be issued for the next few decades. Reservists were upset to learn they are stuck on earth and must endure the challenges of dealing with a whiny spouse with little hope for the future.
“Is there anywhere else in the solar system I can get orders to?” asked Sgt. Willy Breckenridge. “What about North Dakota? I’ll go there, even. I need a break. God damn, I need a break.”