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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

2359 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Woman who sent 65,000 text messages after one date tapped for recruiting duty

Filed · 1531

PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. -- A woman who allegedly sent one man 500 text messages a day over a four-month period has been selected to screen the next generation of warfighters, sources with U.S. Army Recruiting Command (USAREC) confirmed today.

Jacqueline Ades achieved widespread notoriety after bombarding one man’s phone with 65,000 text messages after a single date.

“Ms. Ades demonstrated the unwavering tenacity that we expect of our recruiters,” said Maj. Huey Thomas, a spokesman for USAREC. “Her knack for establishing contact at the most inconvenient times, along with her impressive inability to read social cues and never take ‘no’ for an answer are exactly what the Army needs as we plow blindly into our eighteenth year of sustained warfare.”

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