FAYETTEVILLE, NC - Packs of feral gay soldiers have been spotted roaming base housing at Fort Bragg, preying on people who are not “totally fabulous,” according to witness statements.

Initial reports indicate that the gays hunt at night in packs of ten to twelve. They catch unwary heterosexuals and forcibly sodomize them until they become gay, because that’s how sexuality works. Over a dozen families have reported that their children chose to become gay after being attacked in this manner.

“I’ve tripled the amount of patrols,” said Colonel David Jesse, head of base security. “The amount of gays is growing at an exponential rate. I think they have rabies or something. I mean, there’s always a bunch of white stuff dripping from their mouths.”

“I got my first call about them right after Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was repealed,” said Sergeant John Cripes, a military policeman. “There were gays in the military beforehand, but after DADT was gone, they just went rabid. There’s really no way to stop them. In ten years or so, this entire base will be overrun by gays.”