LOS ANGELES AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. — Public affairs officers gathered this week at the Westdrift Manhattan Beach Hotel Conference Center and Golf Course to declare solidarity with the Writers Guild of America, a Hollywood writers union striking for decent wages and health benefits in the face of what the WGA calls the, “most comprehensive assault on compensation and working conditions … in a generation.”

Reading from a prepared statement, Air Force Colonel Chip Cushjob said, “I cannot comment on ongoing operati…what? Oh, right! I meant to say, whether via vast shared drives of pirated digital media or poorly made DVDs purchased from a guy in an old shipping container who had never even heard of VHS before we invaded his country, members of the Writers Guild of America bring you ‘binge-worthy’ entertainment so deeply critical to morale during military deployment.”

Cushjob continued. “Many of their efforts offer critical perspectives that make us consider the ways in which we live our own lives. I mean, how many of you watched The Wire while quixotically fighting an urban insurgency in 2007?” Pausing for effect, he went on, “Likewise, public affairs officers (PAO) offer opaque statements, vague narratives and wholly biased interpretations of policies, initiatives and developments in an effort to consistently deliver relentlessly positive messaging on behalf of the Department of Defense and the services. Starting now, PAOs across all branches are staging a sympathy strike to finally get the respect we deserve. You people can tell your own stories for a while!” He hastened to add service members and government civilians should “do so in accordance with all Departmental policies and guidelines.”

Colonel Chip Cushjob offers insights as penetrating as his drive from the tee