THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense has announced that troops’ identification tags will now include the wearer's preferred pronouns, sources confirmed today. The added security measure will enhance the United States' readiness posture and ability to colonize the Moon.

"We have over 3,000 pronouns that service members can select while receiving their ID tags," said Pentagon spokeswoman Anita Lunger. "We want them to choose whatever will make them happy while also pissing off their uncle on Facebook."

Adding pronouns on dog tags comes on the heels of a recent DoD study finding a positive impact from angering those most susceptible to dis- and misinformation on the internet into having massive heart attacks. It’s one small part of the Pentagon’s Office of Strategic Influence, which tries to counter propaganda by lowering the number of idiots who believe it, officials said.