KANDAHAR—A U.S. Navy pilot turned off his targeting computer during a bombing run and killed four hundred civilians, according to a recent statement issued by public relations.

Lt. Roger Himmelweg, an F/A-18 Super Hornet pilot, claims he was responding to urges to "trust his feelings" during a mission last week, which was supposed to be targeted at an arms cache being stocked by Taliban insurgents. Despite the fact that the highly advanced fighter/bomber aircraft had millions of dollars’ worth of sophisticated targeting hardware and software installed, Himmelweg believed he could drop his ordnance with greater accuracy using only his emotions and the low-toned urges of a distant old man.

"I don't know what happened," Himmelweg said in a post-mission debrief with international authorities. "I heard this voice in my head, you know, and it just kept telling me to do stuff. ‘Trust my instincts, let go.’”