FORT BRAGG, N.C. – Military police special-response teams raided a barracks complex last night on Gruber Road, arresting dozens of soldiers and shutting down an unlicensed dentistry ring that police say caused implausible levels of readiness over several months, sources confirmed today.

“We take readiness and medical credentialing very seriously here on [Fort] Bragg,” said the provost marshal, Col. James Dangle. “And what I saw today turned my stomach. Dental exams in the latrines, root canals in the CQ office, and there was an illicit MEDPROS call center in the day room.”

Dangle said military police arrested several off-duty dental technicians hustling for extra money, yuck-mouths seeking a quick ticket off the CAT 4 hit list, and a handful of odontophiles looking to score a cheap thrill.