WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following on the heels of the establishment of Afghanistan as a gun-free zone, President Barack Obama has taken a bold step in ending the War on Terror by signing an executive order outlawing the Taliban.

“It’s a simple and straightforward approach that’ll solve the insurgency problem overnight," said White House spokesman Jay Carney. "Frankly, it’s so profoundly obvious that we’re surprised the previous administration didn’t think of it.”

The order makes it illegal to belong to the Taliban, or to other insurgent groups, such as the Haqqani and the Hezb-e-Islami Gulbuddin terrorist networks, which have partnered with the Taliban in the past. There are stiff penalties attached: Taliban fighters have thirty days to turn themselves in and serve five days’ incarceration, or be fined 50,000 Afghanis (about $10 USD), and must also register as a terror offender.

However, current and former Taliban fighters can pursue a “pathway to legality” by transitioning into the Afghan National Security Forces. After a two-week probationary period, these new recruits will be provided a monthly stipend and issued a refurbished M-16.