JACKSONVILLE, Fl. — Sources at the 4th Amphibious Assault Battalion report that Marine Sgt. Nick McAlister, who recently left active duty, cannot tolerate the astonishingly high morale of his new reserve unit.

"What the hell do these sons of bitches think is going on here?" he asked, citing the positive reaction the reserve Marines all gave when they were informed of the 15-mile hike taking place on the following morning.

"There has not been one devil dog complaining about anything in this smoke pit all day," the 26-year old Florida native said, becoming visibly distressed. "For fuck's sake, I corrected a kid this morning for walking with his hands in his pockets and he thanked me for making him a better Marine."

"There was not a hint of irony his voice."