Private Turns Himself In After Dreaming Of Killing All His Higher-Ups

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OCEANSIDE, CA — Sometimes police solve crime, and sometimes they prevent it. However, on Tuesday night Camp Pendleton Military Police and Oceanside Police averted a tragedy by doing neither. That's because at approximately 8:00 p.m. Private Jeffery Matthew Saunders surrendered himself to police after having a self-described "killing-spree fantasy."

Police say Saunders described his fantasy in detail in a written confession and, since no actual crime was committed, provided Duffel Blog with a few excerpts. [Duffel Blog did not receive portions of the confession that actually describe the killings.]

From the report:

"It was like the fifth fucking time Staff Sergeant Kensington asked me about those fucking 'TPS Reports,' from that stupid fucking movie. He thinks it's funny, but the truth is everyone just laughs to keep him off their ass. Then he put me on weekend duty, again! And he knows my girlfriend was coming in from Sacramento that weekend."

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