CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – After snorting three MRE coffee packets during a land navigation exercise at Camp Shelby, Mississippi, Pvt. Dillen Roebuck rocketed from the surface of the earth and landed on the far side of the moon, NASA officials confirmed today.

“NASA scientists observed a flaming object traveling away from the earth at a speed of just over 58,000 kilometers per hour at about 10:26 EST yesterday,” NASA spokesman George Diller told reporters. “A team at Arizona State University was able to confirm that the object was Pvt. Roebuck, who was last seen with smoke leaking from his ears and mouth on the ground near Hattiesburg, MS.”

Roebuck was seen snorting MRE instant coffee grounds before lift-off, according to his squad leader.