WASHINGTON — A newly-released report from the Pentagon has found that the Defense Travel System, the automated travel scheduling and payment system used by military personnel for over 15 years, was taken down approximately 5 years ago by a ransomware attack from foreign cybercriminal hackers. As of the release of the report, hardly anyone had noticed.

“Most of us just figured we weren’t getting paid because the system is notoriously buggy,” said Master Sgt. Ken Gates, an Air Force instructor who travels frequently. “But now they’re saying it’s because an Eastern European hacker group seized critical data and wants to be paid by the government before they release it? Yeah, well, stand in line, dudes.”

The review of DTS was part of a series of Pentagon-wide audits which started in 2017. Of the three audits so far, the Pentagon has not passed a single one.

“So we figured, well, that’s life!” said Col. Thomas Mallory, of the Defense Finance Accounting Service. “DTS is a mess, just like the rest of our finances. C’est la vie!”

This sentiment was shared all through the ranks.

“I had the hardest time scheduling my flight and lodging for TDY about six months ago,” said Maj. Jennifer McClain, an Army intelligence officer. “About a week after I submitted my voucher, I got a message saying that I will never see a penny until the U.S. quits supporting Israel. I thought it was just being honest that my approving officials would never do their jobs. It was kind of refreshing.”