SOCHI, RUSSIAN FEDERATION – Just hours before the opening ceremony for the Sochi Winter Olympics, Russia has put out an alert for two potential terror suspects, referred to by security officials as "moose" and "squirrel."

An outpouring of fear swept the tiny coastal town on the Black Sea as details emerged of the possible terrorist attack by the unlikely combination of two Americans, identified as Mr. Bullwinkle J. Moose and Rocket J. Squirrel. The two suspects are reportedly from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, which Russian officials believe may indicate a connection to Canadian separatists.

A friend of the two, historical expert nonpareille Mr. Peabody, said that any terrorist connection was preposterous and "indubitably unprovable." An e-mail from Mr. Squirrel's attorney merely said, "Hokey Smoke!"