FAIRFIELD, Calif. — Sources at the Travis Air Force Base dining facility say the salad bar now consists of only one chopped hard-boiled egg, sources confirmed today.

“There was a couple of bacon bits left, a smidgen of black olives, and three wilted pieces of spinach,” a cook reportedly said in a gritty but sad voice as he took another drag from this cigarette. “Now it seems like there’s nothing but a heaping pile of chopped hard-boiled egg with the yellow center still splayed all over the protein rich whites.”

Before this most recent incident, the facility was doing rather well, having recently adding smoked salmon and dried cranberries to the line-up, according to food service officer Fred Kane.