FT. BRAGG, N.C. – A non-commissioned officer serving in the U.S. Army’s ‘elite’ 82nd Airborne Division who has been described as alternatively as ‘playfully racist’, ‘zanily xenophobic’ or ‘agreeably antebellum’ by his fellow soldiers is actually intolerant of other ethnic groups, sources reported today.

Staff Sgt. Roberto ‘Robby’ Lee McCoy, a native of Pine Bluff, Arkansas, has apparently been making outrageously offensive comments to his fellow soldiers for several years now, who had all assumed he was "just kidding around."

“You watch yourself there Midnight,” McCoy drawled to Private First Class James Franklin, who is an African-American. “That drinking fountain’s there for whites only. I got this here for you.”

"Roger that sergeant!" Franklin laughed hesitantly, walking past the bucket that McCoy had placed on the floor nearby labeled 'Colords [sic] Only'. "Staff Sergeant just wants us to all know that we're soldiers first and everything else second." Franklin related to Duffel Blog, insisting that there is no possible way that Staff Sgt. McCoy is actually bigoted.

“[Staff Sgt.] McCoy is such a great joker,” explained Specialist Daniel Cho, who is of Korean descent. “He brought his dog into work one day and wouldn’t let me near it because he kept insisting I was going to run off and turn it into gaegogi.”

"I mean, it's true! Koreans do eat dog," Cho added. “He's always yelling at me to wake up, and claiming that I'm always half-asleep on account of my eyes. Or he'll randomly ask if I have any soy sauce on me. He's just kidding though.”