For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing

4,200+dispatches filed

17,000+readers briefed

Army · Page 4

SHOCK: Army admits flu shot paperwork keeps getting lost because it wants you to die

By Duffel Blog Staff · Army Bureau · 1 minute

Filed 5 October 2022 · 1551

FORT LEAVENWORTH — The Army has admitted to losing your flu shot paperwork because it wants you to die. Like, for realz.

The Army was pretty chill about its admission, not getting all emotional about it, saying, “Yeah, I lost your shit and I hope you die, bro.”

Last week, Capt. Patrick Redshirt, a student at the Army's Command and General Staff College, reported to the Inspector General that he has received 23 flu shots. Apparently, each flu shot’s paperwork was immediately shredded.

Also on this page

Army

AI deemed ‘too smart’ to replace infantry

Prototype proved too competent, financially responsible for infantry service

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Army

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Staff says senator’s three-month absence was “routine National Guard obligation”

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

SHOCK: Army admits flu shot paperwork keeps getting lost because it wants you to die

Also on this page

AI deemed ‘too smart’ to replace infantry

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Find the story you swear someone already wrote.

Your Cart