SEATTLE, Wash. - Lawmakers and liberal groups alike were outraged yesterday when sources identified Staff Sergeant Bryan Miles, a veteran infantryman in the US Army returning from his fourth combat tour, as having no traumatic issues, adjustment difficulties, or domestic problems that would prevent him from rejoining society after his latest deployment to Afghanistan.

Witnesses claim that when the 36 year-old SNCO was drinking milk at a local bar, and several visibly intoxicated privates began to sing war songs while crying about the friend they knew who died on deployment, the Staff Sergeant smiled and refused to participate in the loud story-telling that followed. Even after the locals at the bar began purchasing drinks for the group of young soldiers back from their first and only deployment, Miles remained quiet.

Many present were not even aware that the tall, well-groomed man at the end of the bar was in the military, possessing no tattoos, a medium length haircut, and conservative yet stylish clothes that drew the eye of several local women without once revealing his veteran status.

Further investigation also found that Miles visited a local Applebees restaurant on Veteran’s Day for “a bite to eat” with his wife and baby girl, both untouched by drunken outbursts of violence or drug induced neglect. When the waitress asked Miles what he’d like to eat, the man was heard ordering without even mentioning the fact that he was in the military, despite the fact that it would have earned him a free meal.