FORT MEADE, Md. — An Air Force signals intelligence analyst working for the National Security Agency is under formal investigation for being normal, sources confirmed today.
Staff Sgt. Charles Nelson — “Chaz” to his large and diverse circle of non-SIGINT friends — is uniformly described as liking all sports as well as being fit and sociable. Investigators say he has even had the same girlfriend — a real woman — for more than two years.
“I don’t know about this women thing, but I do know that Nelson is too crazy for us. I heard he volunteered to walk dogs at an animal shelter. He needs to have his clearance pulled," said Technical Sgt. Henry Jack, a former supervisor of Nelson's, who spoke with reporters while vacuuming the thirty pristine throw rugs on his dorm room floor for the third time that day.
