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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

1951 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Soldier consumes more than two beers at unit holiday party, dies

Filed · 1541

KILLEEN, Texas — A soldier died at Fort Hood on Monday after he chose to ignore his chain of command’s explicit instructions and consumed a third beer at a unit barbecue before holiday leave, Duffel Blog has learned.

“These young kids don’t understand that the orders we give are for their protection,” 1st Sgt. Will Thompson told reporters. “This is what happens when you engage in risk taking behavior. People die!”

Upon notification of the next of kin, Fort Hood casualty affairs announced the soldier was Pfc. Joseph Wallace, a mechanic in the 1st Cavalry Division.

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