Soldier dies from massive erection after firing .50-Cal for the first time

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing

4,200+dispatches filed

20,000+readers briefed

FORT LEONARD WOOD, Mo. — A soldier attending basic training died from a massive rush of blood to his penis after firing the M2 .50-caliber machine gun for the first time, sources confirmed today.

Pvt. Alvero Rojas was six weeks into basic training when his unit went to the range for familiarization fire with several of the Army's crew served weapons.

"Rojas enlisted to become an Admin Specialist but we take all of our basic trainees to the range to fire these weapons to give them an idea of what it's like," said Sgt. 1st Class Alexander Pitts, Rojas's lead drill sergeant. "Just because a soldier is slated to end up behind a desk doesn't mean they won't find themselves shooting a .50 or MK19 at some point."

Rojas's death was regretted by his entire basic training company.

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

More Stories

Staff command works hard to accomplish nothing

Pentagon unveils ‘Send Someone Else’ campaign for Iran war supporters

Trump strikes deal to buy precision missiles from North Korea

Air Force IG uncovers SNACKOs taking kickbacks from Big Insulin

Pentagon facing dangerous shortage of fucks given

Opinion: Listen up, assholes. Turn in your excess cruise missiles or everybody stays in formation

Opinion

Start Here