COLUMBUS, Ga. — After reading a copy of the Constitution left in the day room while on CQ, Pvt. Austin Morris was shocked by his recent decision to support and defend it, sources confirmed today.
“First of all,” Morris told the rest of 1st platoon, Alpha Company, “Lot of shit in there. Lots of pages, and lots to defend. Waaaay more than I thought I was signing up for.”
Morris is currently the only member of 1st platoon who had read the entire constitution, though all have claimed to have done so.
“What the fuck is in here?” Morris said, rubbing his temples. “3/5th of a person? What else was the guy who wrote this so wrong about?”
