WILD HORSE, Colo. – Eyes rolling with the centripetal force of a parabolic orbit, sources derided a newly minted space cadet’s efforts to impress the local populace today, unanimously cataloguing the Space Force’s freshest specimen as a “total fucking boot.”

“Fuck, could he possibly try harder?” asked Tech Sgt. Emily Waller. “This douche is trying to pick up girls in his exoskeleton like it’s a pair of gray sweatpants.”

Waller gestured towards the Mk IV Expeditionary Powered Armor, Rugged, housing one intrepid, young man by the name of Space Cadet First Class Toby Danville.

On cue, Danville, 17, approached a trio of young women.