CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Military Police were called to base housing early Tuesday morning, after a Spartan-worshipping Marine threw his "defective" eight-year old son off a nearby cliff because he was unable to carry a hoplite shield.

"I told the little helot to either come back with his shield or on it," Captain Linus Kurgus shouted as he was being bundled into a police car. Kurgus has also been relieved of his command of Fox Company, 2nd Battalion 6th Marines, pending an investigation.

While Kurgus' superiors have disavowed any prior knowledge of his aggressive behavior, sources say his obsession with the Spartans was well-known around Camp Lejeune.

While members of his unit say his command laughed off his demand for a no-shave chit to grow a beard, they grew more concerned after he was arrested for showing up to a Spartan Race completely naked, save his tunic.