THE PENTAGON — Firefights with enemy combatants are 96.3% more likely after hearing protection has been removed. according to a new Pentagon study.

The results came at the conclusion of a 5-year, $600 million study conducted by DARPA and the US Army.

“We’ve analyzed the timing of enemy attacks, combined with after action reports and thousands of interviews. The results are irrefutable,” said Pentagon spokesman Col. Steve Vrable.

Those results were unsurprising to many service members who had been in sustained combat operations and had reported similar anecdotes for years.