LASHKARGA, Afghanistan — Representatives of the Taliban, Al-Qaeda, and ISIS gathered today in the capital of the Helmand Province of Afghanistan to celebrate breaking ground on the long-awaited Joint Terrorism Center of Excellence. The JTCE is intended to bring together the best minds of international terror organizations in an effort to streamline operations and standardize tactics.

“There is so much great work being done by our brothers and sisters around the globe,” said Taliban leader Mullah Osmani Farunq. “It was time to bring all this wonderful terror under one umbrella of excellence. We are all operating in a joint environment now, so it only made sense to share knowledge and resources.”

Farunq, an Afghan fighter since the 1980s, will serve as the commandant of the JTCE. Farunq gained notoriety among Taliban leaders several years ago when he published a widely read set of leadership tips for his subordinate commanders. Christened “Farunq’s Rules,” the ever-growing list provided Taliban leaders and fighters with command guidance, often written in a folksy and lighthearted tone. "Insh'allah is a course of action!" is perhaps his most popular rule.