CAMP BUEHRING, KUWAIT - A surprise rainfall wreaked havoc on soldiers stationed in the Kuwaiti desert today, causing massive power failures, interruption of connections to internet pornography websites, and widespread reports of increased boredom.

The rain storm, with initial reports indicating it to be a possible terrorist attack, was the first recorded precipitation in over six months.

Effects of the hour-long storm were as far-reaching as they were unpredictable, as dining facilities and base Post Exchanges were shuttered amid reports of sweeping power outages. None of these facilities were hit as hard as the base gym, however, which struggled to maintain order during a massive evacuation attempt.

“It was chaos in there—utter chaos. I was just pumping reps, bro, just pumping away, when suddenly the lights go out like kshhhshk [imitates the sound of dying air conditioners and lights]. And at first, I thought, look, I don't need to SEE iron to PUMP iron, you know what I'm saying?," said Specialist Evan Dieter, an avid gym enthusiast sporting a Tapout t-shirt. "But then these guys start yelling for everyone to get out. I mean, I didn't rack my weights or anything. I even still got my towel—that's how crazy this shit was."