NAS FALLON, Nev. — Navy fighter pilot, Lt. Lance “Ox” Mandrake, graduated first in his classes at the Naval Academy, Flight School, and TOPGUN. But his records indicate that, despite his 20/20 vision, he has yet again been passed over for promotion to O-4 for a glaring inability to see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

“I would imagine it has something to do with the nine grams of sugar per serving and the addictive tendencies of America’s increasingly obese youth. I actually wrote my thesis on the subject,” said the un-promotable moron, who pursued a Master’s Degree in Health and Fitness during his shore tour as Test Pilot.