Skip to content
DUFFEL BLOG

Free military brief. No CAC required.

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast
Subscribe form

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing
4,200+dispatches filed
17,000+readers briefed

The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Wednesday, 30 September 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Three editions a week, paid for by our subscribers

Vol. 15 · No. 117

Worldwide edition

Reader supported

Delivered 3× weekly

America's most trusted military news source

Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

30 September 2026

0511 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

'Twas the duty NCO before Christmas

Filed · 1538

'Twas the Duty NCO before Christmas, throughout all gov'rnment property in view Not a creature was stirring, those not on leave were few Having just toured the barracks, I made logbook entries with care, Futilely hoping my relief would soon be there.

Gallantly I fought against sleep deprivation, Drinking gallons of Rip-Its to fight the sensation. On duty Christmas Eve, it was just my luck, I settled down to endure a long post sure to suck.

When out on the quad there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the duty hut to see what was the matter. Straight to scene I shot like a flame, No matter what happened I'd likely be blamed.

The moon reflecting off the new fallen snow Gave the luster of mid-day to the smoke pit below When, what to my blood shot eyes should appear, But the battalion sergeant major, his face bent with a sneer.

Also on this page

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!