NEW YORK, NY – With the latest nationwide unemployment figures showing another rise in jobless claims, a crowd of out-of-work anti-war protesters took to the streets last Friday in several major cities to demand a US invasion of Syria.

About 400 demonstrators chanting, "One-two-three-four, we need to protest a war," marched through Zuccotti Park, the former location of last year's Occupy Wall Street protests. Others carried signs which said "Just Bomb Someone!" and "Support Our Troops: Send Them Back!"

Spokesman Gordon Vogel, wearing a faded "Buck Fush!" t-shirt, commented that a US invasion of Syria could play a key role in getting unemployed protesters back to work and on the streets.

"Even though many people describe us as 'smelly hippies', most of us are quite entrepreneurial. A lot of groups like Occupy Wall Street and Invisible Children actually pay people to go to their rallies to beef up their crowd size. I made a pretty decent living as a professional anti-war protester until 2008."